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A dozen roses! , originally uploaded by gina.banina.

I didn’t do the obligatory birthday blog post this year, but I absolutely should have at least mentioned this:

He got me a dozen roses!!!

I am a very, very lucky girl.

Why is it that we don’t appreciate the people in our lives until they’re gone?  Or maybe it’s just me who doesn’t.  Recently my life changed when someone I loved walked out of my life.  It took this happening for me to really understand how good this person was to me and how good this person was for me.

I know that I will never have this person back in my life in quite the same way and this is not written with secret intentions to regain his/her affections and attentions.  I simply am beginning to see that as much as I try to appreciate those with whom I am involved I do not always do it effectively.

I do not believe that things were so black and white that it was all one person or the other person’s fault; however, I do think a change in attitude within me might have been a step toward something better.

What I see now, left without this person in my life, is that this person turned me into somebody loved.  This person pushed me to be a better person; he/she was a positive influence for me and I needed him/her to be that.    I am not sure I did very well at expressing my appreciation.  I hope one day he/she will know that I did see it in the end, just too late it seems. (If he/she is reading this, thank you, truly).

In the past several months I have realized that this is a pattern for me.  I once willingly gave up someone during a very confused time and through this lost much more than just a lover.  Two years later I am lucky enough to have him in my life as a friend.  His current partner is very lucky to have found him and I am so glad that he has found the happiness that he has found.  I see now what I evidently didn’t see well enough previously and I can only be left learning from my past.

I suppose life is about learning.  I am trying, really trying, to learn from my past and present and one day maybe I will have a bit more of this life thing figured out.